Most people like compliments, even if they are not comfortable receiving them. But this post is about people who don’t give compliments. I’m very interested in why some people have such a hard time spitting out a compliment, even for an obvious-to-everyone-else good event. When I got married, the most fabulous wedding ever, my mother-in-law offered no compliments on any aspect of it. OK, so maybe it wasn’t Most-Fabulous-Ever, but I’m pretty sure there were some nice things about it. It wasn’t until a couple months later that we learned from one of her friends unable to attend the wedding, that she was quite complimentary of the affair. That was so interesting to me, because I had no idea that she liked any of it. After that I began to realize that she did this with her kids too. I might hear how proud she was about her kid’s accomplishments or abilities, but she never directly told her kid. She’s not the only person I know like this.
Is it that non-complimenters don't feel they need to, because they don’t need to receive compliments themselves? Or are they oblivious about things deserving compliments? Maybe they didn’t grow up being recognized and it’s a learned behavior. My own personal favorite explanation is that some people don’t give compliments because in doing so, they feel worse about themselves – if I tell you that you look beautiful it’s like acknowledging to myself that I’m homely.
I think if you see something beautiful in someone, why not say so? I complimented my new boss’ hair on a video because she looked really pretty – even though I qualified it by saying, “This is going to sound like brownnosing, but….” (I don’t think women hear often enough that they are beautiful.) I compliment strangers in elevators and sometimes on the street even. Nobody ever expects that. About two months ago there was a lady at the airport in a really distinctive pink coat, looking all put together. So I told her that. Compliments have to come from the heart and when they are, people know they are genuine.
You know, someone actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on my windshield; it said, “Parking Fine.”
Is it that non-complimenters don't feel they need to, because they don’t need to receive compliments themselves? Or are they oblivious about things deserving compliments? Maybe they didn’t grow up being recognized and it’s a learned behavior. My own personal favorite explanation is that some people don’t give compliments because in doing so, they feel worse about themselves – if I tell you that you look beautiful it’s like acknowledging to myself that I’m homely.
I think if you see something beautiful in someone, why not say so? I complimented my new boss’ hair on a video because she looked really pretty – even though I qualified it by saying, “This is going to sound like brownnosing, but….” (I don’t think women hear often enough that they are beautiful.) I compliment strangers in elevators and sometimes on the street even. Nobody ever expects that. About two months ago there was a lady at the airport in a really distinctive pink coat, looking all put together. So I told her that. Compliments have to come from the heart and when they are, people know they are genuine.
You know, someone actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on my windshield; it said, “Parking Fine.”