Sometimes I find myself talking out loud to my newspaper after reading a story. It’s like shouting at the TV during a football game when a ref makes a bad call. Doesn’t change a thing, but it’s fun. Mostly I add sarcasm to the story. Consider these – with my edits shown in italics. The original stories are true.
A 17-year-old boy faces charges of petty larceny and possession of stolen items after a Rome, NY woman reported the theft of five sex toys. Officers investigating the crime thought they had heard it all but they stoically gathered detailed descriptions of the stolen property. They are asking for the public’s help in locating the missing sex toys but recommend that they not be touched. C’mon – who reports this kind of theft?!
Switchblades soon will be legal in Colorado. Gov. Hickenlooper last week signed into law a bill that ends a 1963 ban on the devices. Lawmakers say switchblades are now everyday work tools. When pressed for a detailed explanation of the kind of work where switchblade use is ‘everyday’, lawmakers cited robbers, thugs and murderers.
A bat that bit an 11-year-old Arkansas girl tested positive for rabies. The girl and her mother were visiting a dam in the Hot Springs area when the girl found the bat lying on a rock and threw it into the water, but not before it bit her. Authorities will not be pressing charges against the bat, citing clear self-defense.
Authorities say a Rio Rancho woman who admitted filing a false tax return claiming a $958 million refund was sentenced to the 207 days in prison that she has already served. In accepting the plea deal terms she said she couldn’t understand why the amount of her refund request would have triggered anything unusual at the IRS.