With the exception of my Dad and brothers, the men in my life have been serious football fans. I’ve been a situational fan for most of my life…it mostly depended where I was and who I was with. My college didn’t have a football team, but when I got to grad school, I didn’t miss a game. Lawrence Taylor was playing for UNC-Chapel Hill at that time and we had a great team. The games were a blast, part of the social fabric of the campus. You dressed up to go to the football stadium – guys in khakis and girls with their add-a-bead necklaces or pearls. When I got my real job and got to Baton Rouge, I became an LSU fan – primarily to get along with my coworkers and be part of Monday-morning conversations. But though I also spent a lot of time in New Orleans, I wasn’t a Saints fan. They did not have a good team in those days. Then came a boyfriend who was a diehard Giants fan and a husband with whom I shared season tickets to West Point.
Suffice it to say, I’ve been around football long enough that I should know the game really well. But in the same way that some women fake orgasms with their men, I’m a football faker. I’ve only managed to pay enough attention to get by. I still don’t get most of the rules and I take my cues from the fans around me. You just have to be observant to conversation around you and react about 3 seconds slower with things you overhear. When invited to a football party, you must first grab a beer and a seat that allows you to punch the arm of the chair and get up and down. And it’s important to manspread, whether you need that space or not. Never ask questions…says you don’t know the game and if you’re with Serious Fans, they haven’t got time to explain it to you because the next play is about to go. This explains why I still don’t get the game in its entirety.
My best friend is in Denver and of course, Denver is in the Superbowl. Thinking to have a little Superbowl chit chat with her I ventured out bravely with the name of player…won’t bore you with the details or embarrass myself, but I think she’s still shaking her head laughing. So another rule if you’re a faker is to never use any names – too easy to mess up. If you must shout, just use generic “Yay!!” calls. One final rule that’s unique to the Superbowl: no matter how much you really prefer to watch the commercials, you must never say, “Shhh! The commercials are on!”
Suffice it to say, I’ve been around football long enough that I should know the game really well. But in the same way that some women fake orgasms with their men, I’m a football faker. I’ve only managed to pay enough attention to get by. I still don’t get most of the rules and I take my cues from the fans around me. You just have to be observant to conversation around you and react about 3 seconds slower with things you overhear. When invited to a football party, you must first grab a beer and a seat that allows you to punch the arm of the chair and get up and down. And it’s important to manspread, whether you need that space or not. Never ask questions…says you don’t know the game and if you’re with Serious Fans, they haven’t got time to explain it to you because the next play is about to go. This explains why I still don’t get the game in its entirety.
My best friend is in Denver and of course, Denver is in the Superbowl. Thinking to have a little Superbowl chit chat with her I ventured out bravely with the name of player…won’t bore you with the details or embarrass myself, but I think she’s still shaking her head laughing. So another rule if you’re a faker is to never use any names – too easy to mess up. If you must shout, just use generic “Yay!!” calls. One final rule that’s unique to the Superbowl: no matter how much you really prefer to watch the commercials, you must never say, “Shhh! The commercials are on!”